Jealousy in any relationship is toxic and unproductive. It’s a vicious cycle that is difficult to control and get out of until its damage becomes irreparable for both the recipient and source. It makes movies and books exciting, but in real life, it’s a destructive habit. Is it possible to control such a common emotion?
Acknowledging Your Behavior
Envy and jealousy are normal, but that doesn’t mean you have to act on them if you feel angry. By acknowledging your emotions, you’ll be able to step back and think what to do about it. Lashing out at people will not make you feel any better and will not solve your problems. As long as you don’t have any proof of your accusations about your partner, then you shouldn’t even worry about it.
Re-Examine Your Beliefs
Figure out why some situations trigger such feelings in you. Maybe you’re afraid your partner will betray you just like one of your parents did, but that doesn’t mean those two people are connected. Sure, there might be people who have hurt you in the past and you have seen a lot of relationships fail, but it should not be reason to stop yourself from being happy. Think about why you’re mad at your partner and maybe you can talk about it without fighting.
Don’t Make Excuses
Just because your last relationship didn’t work out well doesn’t mean you lost your chance at finding someone who truly cares about you. Lashing out at your partner will not change the past and will just push the other person away. It’s unfair and unreasonable. You cannot give adequate reasons why you need to torment another person for someone else’s mistakes. If you think that you’re not going to be happy with your partner, then you don’t have the right to be in that relationship in the first place.
Talk it Out
If you’re worried about something, talk to your partner. If he/she truly cares about what you feel then he/she will put you at ease. It doesn’t mean that if you’re suspecting that something is going on that it’s true. Maybe you’re watching too many romance movies and you’re neglecting conversations with your partner. Tell your partner about your fears, because an honest conversation is part of a healthy relationship. But if you think talking will not solve anything, then maybe you’ve found the reason why your relationships don’t work in the first place.
Try a Different Perspective
Comparing yourself to your friends will create a gap that will be difficult to bridge. If you think that your life is a mess compared to your friend’s, who seems more happy and successful, try looking at things from their perspective. Would you blame someone for being happy because you’re not?
Focus on the Good Things
Think about all the good things you have in life and be grateful about them instead of complaining about what you don’t have. It takes a bit of practice, but gratitude and generosity will lead to happier relationships than a life full of jealousy.